that happy/sad feeling

I have mixed feelings as I begin this Saturday morning. It has been almost a week since I stopped nursing Meghan, and I'm sad because it is something I've loved to do. Such a special time that I've had to be with just Meghan and to take care of her in a way that only a mom can do. 13 months is the longest that I've nursed one of my children. It was a goal of mine to nurse them for a year even before Dylan was born, but since I became pregnant with the next one when they were about 9 or 10 months old they decided to stop early on their own. That was really hard for me when Dylan did that and I was more accepting of it when Lola did it when I was pregnant with Meghan, but it was still very hard to accept. And over the last few months I've wondered how it was going to end with her. The word "gradually" comes to mind. So I am sad, but I am happy as well. Happy that I am now my own person--I am really focused on getting into shape and taking care of just me. Part of me does miss it--the nurturing part of me, and I am so grateful that I have been blessed with a healthy body to be able to even have children. It is something that only personal experience doing it can explain. I absolutely love being a mother. I love it. And even though there are moments that I feel so inadequate to be raising these precious children, I know that we are not alone. So now I have new goals to work on over the next year for me and I am excited. So many feelings and emotions to experience, but I guess that's why we're here right?